I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
