i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
