you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
There are leaves in my underwear?
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