so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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