So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
