I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
