Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
True strength comes from lack of pants
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
