I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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