I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
