i permit you to call me
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
