its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
