You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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