I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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