I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
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Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
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Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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