i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
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Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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