WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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