get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
it glows. i had to have it.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
