Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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