guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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