Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
