My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
