Soap is not a condiment
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
