i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
