That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
