Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
