I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
