I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
