i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
