did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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