I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
