you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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