i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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