Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
