i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
