It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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