you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
