Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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