you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i believe in u and ur pee
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
