when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
