guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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