and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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