i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
