dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She told me I should be a condom model.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
