Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
