If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
