What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
