So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
