why didn't you poke me back
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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