i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
