im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
