drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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