make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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