Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
