Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i out mim tonsoeep
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