forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
