Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
