Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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