Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
