There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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